Shadow

When you jump on a trampoline, you need to bounce a little to gain momentum. Each jump gets bigger and bigger until you’re speeding, flying, looking towards the sky, feeling the wind against your face. This is what growing up feels like as an adolescent – exhilarating, energetic, and a bit scary. Eventually, you go as high as you can go and reach a moment of stillness. There’s a sweet spot between being a child and a full-grown adult. You’re floating, but then, gravity grabs ahold of you, and your stomach lurches as it drags you back down. This is how it feels when you truly grow up and leave childish things behind. For some people, it takes years to come back down. For me, I came back down in four seconds and not just to the ground. I hit rock bottom. The sound of the gunshot still echoes in my mind to this day.

Some call me a shadow, a vigilante, a criminal, a Batman-wannabe. Some have even called me a conspiracy. They make up names, guess my backstory, and wonder if I’m crazy. My real name is Adya, a Mongolian name meaning “the sun,” but I go by Addie.

Inspired by my computer-science-genius mother, I discovered a passion for data analytics, which led me to my day job as a data engineer. At this point, I’m pretty well-established in my career. I won’t get into exactly where I work for legal reasons, but basically, I  gather and analyze data for anything the bosses need that day, which usually involves something along the lines of crime, healthcare, or terrorism – the big stuff.

Because of this, I know about a lot of things and how they work, and it’s not always pretty. Actually, it’s never pretty. I got sick of seeing the same depressing patterns that never seem to improve, which led me to my night job as a vigilante. My dad’s a former agent of the General Intelligence Agency of Mongolia and started training me in self-defense since I could walk.

I know what I do is risky and even illegal at times, but I help people, so it must count for something, right? Well, as of these past few months, I’m not so sure anymore.

***

I sighed as I glanced at the time on my laptop: 7:02p.m. The spreadsheet on my screen intimidated me, presenting me with information on the latest crimes in the area. My eyes locked on the numbers and the charts as I became absorbed in the analysis. My surroundings faded away as my fingers typed and listed what I saw was in between those numbers - clues. My stomach jolted as my bedroom door burst open.

“You almost done?!” Cece thundered.

Blinking a couple times to restore the water to my eyes, I noticed she was wearing her short black party dress.  “I guess. Are you going out?”

“I was hoping. Are you off duty tonight?”

I turned the screen towards Cece in the doorway. “I’m seeing an increase in drug-related crime abuse. Makes me wonder if some of the cartels from San Diego have made their way up here.”

“How do you know it’s related to the cartel?”

“I don’t know. I still have a lot more to investigate.”

Cece took her hand out from behind the doorframe, fisting a bottle of vodka, and placed it on my desk with a cheeky grin. “We can subtly put out some feelers at the party we’re going to tonight. I will help gather some of that primary research.”

I chuckled.

“Pleasseee,” she whined, noticing the reluctance on my face.

I stared back at my laptop. Cece walked behind me and placed her hands on the back of my chair. I let my head fall back and pleadingly looked up at her, but her stare beat mine. “Fine.”

She smiled, pleased with my defeat.

***

After a couple of drinks at the upper west side party, Cece dragged me to another. I wasn’t sure where she was taking me, but by the time we got there, my pleasant buzz wore off and my good judgement returned. The pit in my stomach sprouted as soon we arrived. The second party was at an abandoned building with boarded windows in a bad part of town, and I had none of my equipment with me.

Cece nodded towards the building. “I received a tip about this place. I know you were wanting to be productive tonight. Primary research, like I said.”

Ever since I told Cece my secret, she had taken a great interest in helping me with my nightly endeavors to make the world better, which was nice, but sometimes she got carried away.

“Cece, we should go back to the first party. This isn’t a safe place to be.” I took out my phone to call another Uber.

“We’ll be fine. Don’t you want to investigate?”

“Yes, but—”

“Then, let’s go!” After taking my phone from me, she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the building. The walls were shaking from the bass of the song blaring from the speakers. The flashing lights lit up the dust and smoke swirling around us. Cece kept hold of my hand as she guided me through the small crowd of people to the back of the room.

There were seven beat-up futons against the wall. The people sitting on them looked as if they had been awake for over twenty-four hours. Some of them were talking, others were doing things that made me want to tell them to get a room. Cece led me to the couch in the middle occupied by two men, one with long brown hair staring absently at the crowd of people, seemingly unaware of his surroundings, and the other, a familiar blonde guy with a buzzcut scrolling through his phone.

The blonde man looked up, fixing his gaze on Cece. “Hey, beautiful!”

My face fell into a scowl as Cece sat next to the man. I had hoped she’d stopped talking to him. Jason was not only a grade-A douche bag but was also a bad influence. Cece had always been stupidly fearless, rebellious, and easily influenced — a bad combination. She had issues with drugs sporadically throughout high school and college, and I had a bad feeling that Jason would bring out that girl I once knew and send her to a place I know she did not want to go back to.

“So, what brings you to this part of town?” Jason asked, raising his voice above the music. He looked at me and nodded stiffly. “Addie. Nice to see you again.”

I gave him a tight smile. He knew I didn’t like him.

“Just looking for some fun.” Cece grinned, giving him doe-eyes.

“Follow me.” Jason placed his hand around Cece’s waist as they stood up.

I reached out and grabbed her wrist, giving her a sharp look that told her I wanted to leave now. She brushed me off with a look that said, “it’ll be fine” and turned away, following Jason.

Heart thumping, I followed them to a door just next to the last couch on the wall. Jason opened it to reveal the alley behind the building, which was barricaded from the street by a locked chain-link fence. He held out his arm, blocking me from following.

“Only one at a time.” He scowled.

I opened my mouth to protest.

“I won’t do anything,” Cece reassured me out of Jason’s earshot, I’m just getting some names and faces. Just sit on the couch. I’ll be out in a minute.” She ducked under Jason’s arm as the door shut behind them.

I stared at the door for a moment, frozen. My heart started to flutter. Why did I let her go? Panicking, I reached for the handle. It was locked. I sat on the couch next to the door and waited, trying to remain calm. Eight minutes and three seconds later, Cece came out smiling and sat by me. Jason made a gesture by the door offering for me to come in. I shook my head.

He shrugged. “I’ll be right back,” he told Cece after shutting the door.

Cece was sitting close, staring at me. Her pupils were dilated, and there was a smudge of white powder on her nose. “Cece, I thought you said you wouldn’t do anything,” I yelled over the music.

“I had to. It would have looked suspicious if I just went back there and didn’t.” She wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

“Come on, we’re leaving.” I abruptly stood up and grabbed her hand, taking her with me, as Jason opened the door again holding up Cece’s phone, which showed it was recording. There was a man behind him, about a head taller than Jason with shadows dancing in his eyes.

“This yours?” Jason asked. His voice cracked slightly.

“You working for the cops?!” The guy behind him asked forcefully.

My eyes widened as I looked over at Cece. The second she opened her mouth to respond, a bullet went through it. Ringing in my ears, I watched in horror as Cece fell to the ground. Jason dove after her. The music seemed to fade away and screams of bystanders echoed off the walls. My breath got caught in my chest. I instinctively crouched, dodging the bullet meant for me. I sprung up and lunged towards the man with the gun. Grabbing his elbow, I quickly disarmed him and struck him in the head with the gun itself, knocking him out. I directed my attention to Jason, who was on the floor next to Cece, his face in his hands.

***

I would go into more detail about what happened after, how the cops showed up, how I had to answer questions while feeling the most pain I’ve felt in my entire life without a scratch on my body, but I don’t see the point.

The guy that shot my best friend ended up being a guy on the state’s most-wanted list. The cops arrested him, Jason, and the other evils that lurked behind that door in the alley. Cece brought those men to justice, not me, but at what cost?

If she hadn’t known about my alter ego, if I hadn’t let her get as involved as she did, she would still be here. To make matters worse, after Cece’s story faded from the news, another story was reported about a fifteen-year-old boy who, inspired by the “shadow vigilante,” wanted to help too. His fate ended up the same as Cece’s.

I thought I could help make the world a better place, but perhaps, there are too many problems – ones that can’t be solved. Maybe some solutions just create more problems.